Bullies Beware

New Jersey’s Anti Bullying Bill of Rights Act was passed in November of 2011. The updated and comprehensive law takes a no tolerance approach to bullying and Cinnaminson schools are ready for the challenge. You can view a summary of the law here.

Bullies beware.

Administrators, counselors, teachers and other school employees in the Cinnaminson School District are on a mission to rid our schools of bullying, harassment and intimidation. School Safety Teams have been established, anti-bullying specialists have been assigned to each school, and a district wide anti-bullying coordinator has been appointed. They will work to provide a safe and peaceful place for our children to learn.

The new regulations include higher student expectations; better reporting and accountability from district employees; consequences and remedial action for those found bullying; and more preventive measures including education and counseling for students who are victims of bullying and for those who have a tendency to bully. Teachers, school workers and parents will also be informed and or trained regarding this new policy.

Bullying is not something we can ignore. What can we do to protect our kids from being bullied or witnessing it? What can we do if our kids are the bullies?

As parents, we should take a no tolerance approach too. We need to pay attention, be more involved and ask questions. The district’s HIB Policy—Harassment, Intimidation & Bullying Training Program—has some tips for parents.

If you think your child might be a victim of bullying, pay attention to the following cues:

• fear when walking to school or being on the bus
• headaches, stomachaches
• apprehension regarding going to school
• damaged items, losing money
• bruises or cuts
• sleeping more than usual or tired all the time
• social isolation

Here are some things to look for if you think your child might be a bully:

• strong need to dominate
• brags about superiority
• quick tempered
• difficulty following rules
• cheats in games
• defiant or aggressive
• anti-social
• hanging with the wrong crowd

What we can do to help prevent bullying:

• talk to our children
• spend time at our child’s school, get involved
• lead by example
• learn signs/symptoms
• establish family rules
• do not allow bullying in your home
• encourage your child to stand up for others
• teach your children about cyber bullies

The schools are doing their part and we must take responsibility for our own kids as well. We can’t sit back and say kids will be kids. School climates do not allow for that anymore. This is not the world we grew up in. Bullying has always been a problem but it has grown to be much more of a danger as we’ve seen in recent news stories. Parents need to step up and get involved. Read about Cinnaminson’s policy on our district website.

Bullying usually takes place in front of other kids. Our schools are hoping to motivate the bystanders to stand up for the victims and discourage the bullies.

At home, we can talk to our kids about being more assertive. Let them know it is not tattling to tell an adult that someone is being bullied. They need to know it’s not okay to just sit and watch. We should encourage our children to intervene in a safe way by redirecting the situation away from the bullying, removing the target from the situation, or reporting the act to a teacher or an aide who can help.

If the situation is more of a subtle exclusion problem or kids are "talking about" another child, teach your kids to stand up for the one who is being excluded or gossiped about. Asking the child or children doing the excluding how they would like it if they were the one being excluded sometimes fixes the problem.

If our kids do nothing, they encourage the bully. Their inactivity can also affect them adversely, they may feel bad for not stepping up. Tell your kids they can act by not giving the bully an audience. Tell them not to laugh or react. Showing disapproval of what the bully is doing is the best action they can take. Research shows that if a bystander discourages a bully, it is likely he or she will stop.

It’s all pretty scary. My girls have had a few incidents in which they were subtly bullied or excluded as girls like to do but nothing major. They’ve both come home with stories of other kids being teased and they find it upsetting. I'm proud to say they have intervened on occasion but not always as they sometimes feel threatened or uncomfortable doing so. I've told them to ask for help from an adult when that happens.

Cyberbullying is another huge issue for our kids. Luckily, my kids are not at the age where cyberbullying takes place. Actually, it probably does but my kids do not have phones, nor are they allowed to email or be on Facebook.

Part of me thinks it would be better to just not allow them to be on Facebook or to have unlimited email and texting capabilities. Facebook is supposed to be for adults anyway, why are there so many children and teenagers on there? I'm guessing it is to fit in. Fitting and not fitting in is often where bullying starts.

I know it's hard because we want our kids to belong and feel a part of the social scene. I don’t want to force my kids to be “out of the loop” but by allowing them to text, post and chat online, aren’t we setting them up to be part of cyberbullying in one way or another?

I’m sure many people will call me crazy but maybe it’s time we just said no to texting and Facebook and email in an effort to protect our kids and those who may be targets for a bully. Again, my kids are not at the age where social media is the end all and be all of life so I may be a bit naive to it all. What do you think?

Bullies are everywhere. I know I’ve experienced bullying in grade school, high school, college and in work and although it was never constant or unusually cruel, I remember each incident vividly.

The new laws and policies are being created to change the way people think about and react to bullying. Hopefully, the no tolerance rule will force kids to treat all with respect which will continue into their adult lives.

According to the Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act, all New Jersey schools will observe a “Week of Respect” beginning on the first Monday in October. According to NJEA (New Jersey Education Association), “School districts are directed to observe the week by providing age-appropriate instruction focusing on preventing harassment, intimidation, or bullying.”

Our kids will be receiving a ton of anti-bullying information during the “Week of Respect,” sounds like a great time to sit down and have a chat with them.

For more information regarding the Anti-bullying program in the Cinnaminson School District, visit our district website. (